The Journey to Adulthood

So, it is with our children! Their specific DNA is determined at the moment of conception. Much of their physicality is already fixed before they are born. Soon after birth the comments begin, "Does she look like her dad?" "He has his mother's eyes and dimples." "She is going to be tall like her mom." Heredity is one part of what contributes to forming a human being.

At the moment of birth, a second element comes to the fore. The children, like the young turkeys, begin to follow along behind us as they learn to be human beings. In the beginning, their life depends upon our care. At the first breath it becomes our responsibility to provide them with the experiences most supportive of their becoming a well-rounded, healthy human being. This period of becoming extends over 16–21 years or even longer. Unlike the baby turkeys, who in a few days are able to move about seeking food, human babies require years to develop the necessary skills to survive. 

Once on the earth, like a sponge, human babies and small children drink in what their adults choose for them. Every sense impression imprints itself upon these young beings. They drink it in, as yet having no capacity to screen out what is not supportive of their growing. The color and feel of their clothing, the quality of the food they eat, and even the feelings in your heart as you move through the day affect them, shape them. The inner and outer sense impressions from their environment are a second factor in what contributes to who each child becomes. 

Like the baby turkeys, human beings are formed and shaped by their heredity and their environment. However human beings have a third element which contributes to who they become, an invisible element. It is the unique individuality, the essence that each human being carries within his/her heart. The thing that makes you YOU. The thing that enables the tantrumming two-year-old to say "I do it." Nobody else can claim it. Nobody else has one like it. It is that part of each of us that goes with us through life whatever our DNA and early childhood experiences have given us. The journey of each individual is unlike that of every other human being. It is the place of freedom!

What does this mean for parents? The heredity has been determined; the sense impressions of the environment are being chosen for the most part by you. What is your responsibility as a parent for that third element, the unique individuality of your child? What do you do as parents to support the healthy development of your child’s essence?

Watch, listen, and wait. It is your child's unique journey and will only be revealed over time. While you wait, slow down and observe what your child is showing you either in actions or words. Children will gradually begin to inform you about who they are. Eventually, you may even be graced with a glimpse of who they will become as adults.

In addition to observing and listening, you can provide an environment that fosters exploration and discovery. In the early years, you can provide for them opportunities to explore the natural world, materials for art making, and abundant time to play freely. It is in this early childhood period, when imaginative play is blossoming, that the young child begins to explore the activities that human beings do. They will try on many hats, play many roles. As they get older, they will see more and more activities in which human beings can engage. In fact, Play is the Work of the young child.

You may want your child to take up your profession, make the same choices that you have made, share your values; however, the unfolding of each human is individual, unlike any other. Your child at 10 may know her journey calls her to become an airplane pilot. Maybe it won't be until your son takes a particular university course that he will get a clue as to what he will love to do that will give meaning to his life. Perhaps your child will meet someone who offers a thought essential to their journey of self-exploration. Maybe at age 20 a relationship will develop that will continue for your child's entire life.

However it unfolds, it is your child's story. How exciting to be a part of that journey!